Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
