dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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