He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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