I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
