The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
