I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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