just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
