My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
