His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
