May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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