he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
