she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
