I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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