I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
