did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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