Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
