you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
