i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
