wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
