There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
