It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
