We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
