Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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