Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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