we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
