I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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