Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
