It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
