guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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