Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
