i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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