if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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