I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
