Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
