She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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