I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
