She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
