I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
