Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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