True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
