You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
