The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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