Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
