when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
