it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
