if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The uberlube is also flammable
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
