Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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