M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
