just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
