can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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