He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
