I accidentally had phone sex last night
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
