That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
