I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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