this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize