And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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