He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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