You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
