nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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