You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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