Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
