My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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