a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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