Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
