bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
