I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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