Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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