Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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