I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
