If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
