My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Terrible idea I love it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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