The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
