yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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