guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
