My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
