I am puke
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
